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Okay. Chapter two, by popular request. As in about four people asked for it and Snape objected...
Daughter of a Snape, Chapter Two
Music used in this chapter is Misery by Green Day, Deadbeat Holiday by Green Day, and Cryptorchid by Marilyn Manson. I own none of those songs. I don’t own Happy Tree Friends either. Wish I did, I’d be able to make truckloads from the HTF merch.
Snape: Ah, this disclaimer inspires such confidence. This story is set in Potter's sixth year, which would be 1996-1997. My typist notifies me that the album the first two songs originated from came out in late 2000, although the third actually was released in 1996, so that is, at least, impressive.
-----
Baron meandered up to the Gryffindor common room, after receiving a decent sized blast from her father.
Snape: It obviously did not do nearly enough damage.
He yelled for about a trillion hours about nothing. She thought angrily. It’s a good thing I had a decent CD in my Discman. He didn’t even notice when I put the headphones into my ears.
Snape: I am not that unobservant. I had been a teacher for over a decade.
That is the epitome of stupid…
Snape: writing.
As a going-away gift from her friends, all her electrical appliances such as hairdryer, CD players, iPod
Snape: Debuted in 2001.
and so on had been given an Invisible Bubble-Head Charm, which stopped her appliances
Snape: from working. As it is a charm. And not one designed for electronic devices.
from going haywire around Hogwarts
Snape: Idiot.
but didn’t give them a distorted appearance from the Bubble.
Snape: Still an idiot.
It so happened that that night, she was planning on going to Hogsmeade to get relatively inebriated,
Snape: Why does that not surprise me?
so she had put her old Green Day CD in.
Snape: Ah. That old one that wasn't to come out for four years?
The song was Deadbeat Holiday,
Snape: Yes.
so she had been stifling giggles at the lyrics while Snape raged at her for thinking that what he said was funny. When she was finally allowed to leave, the CD had reached the end of all the songs and had started again.
Snape: I wish I could reach the end of this story.
“There’s a vacant sign that’s hanging high but at least you’re not alone…” She sang along with the CD, looking around to make sure nobody was listening to her. To her relief, there was no one. She got to the common room and wondered at what staircase to go up to get to bed. Although Gryffindor Tower had been closed due to the Summer Holidays, this was the first night it was open and Baron knew that she wanted to stay up here instead of the cold, dark dungeons.
Snape: The cold dark dungeons didn't desire her presence anyway.
Her mental question about the staircases was answered when she saw a young boy walk down the stairs to the left. She nodded to herself and walked up the right staircase, Misery now playing on her Discman.
Snape: Perhaps her Discman is a Seer.
“She hitched a ride to misery…” She sang quietly, then told herself to shutup. It would suck if anyone heard you.
Snape: Yes. For them.
She thought to herself. She was quite a good singer, but hated the sound of her own voice.
Snape: Good judgement.
It sounded harsh and gravelly to her, but to others it came out low and slightly husky.
Snape: No. Harsh and gravelly is probably more apt.
“Kissed the bride eternally… And they’re gonna get high… when they’re low, low, low. The fire burns from better days. And she screamed why oh why, I said I don’t know…” She faltered, realizing she didn’t know any of the other words. Then she realized she was singing again and turned off her Discman quickly. Every time music started she felt the need to sing. It was an annoying and potentially embarrassing affliction,
Snape: Of the type that I am given to understand often plagues Mary Sues.
but it was hers and there were times when she was glad of it.
Snape: Oh, of course.
She switched the Discman off when she got up to her room, and looked at the other three occupants of the dormitory. One was Hermione, she knew, but the other two were unknown to her. She noticed large posters of witch pop singers and wizard boy bands above their beds and rolled her eyes. “Teeny-boppers,” she muttered with disgust.
Snape: There are no words.
She had barely any room in her bags for posters, but she had managed to squeeze in one of Cradle of Filth and that would satisfy her for the present time. Sticking it to the bare piece of wall above the head of her bed, she suddenly realized how drowsy she was. She looked at her watch – it said 10.30pm.
”But it’s so early…” She murmured to herself, subconsciously changing into a black and pink singlet top and matching minishorts to wear to bed.
Snape: Do we truly need a detailed description of every piece of clothing this lamentable girl is ever going to wear?
She lay her head on the soft, slightly fuzzy pillow,
Snape: Or her pillow?
expecting to fall asleep straight away. To her dull surprise, she lay there sleepily for about ten minutes, her mind showing no want for slumber. She rolled over onto her side. She flopped onto her back and opened her eyes. The dark wood stared back at her nonchalantly. Struck with a sudden idea, she grabbed her Discman and put in a Marilyn Manson CD.
Snape: That was actually released. Perhaps the prognostication is over.
Each time I look outside my mother dies, I feel my back is changing shape… Growled the music sullenly. She smiled. No matter how hard the drum beat was, or how excitable the guitarist was, quiet music always put her to sleep.
But not tonight. The CD ran through twice, and she still couldn’t get to sleep. Clicking it off before it started a third time, She flipped open the lid of her trunk and stared blankly into it for something to occupy her mind while it wanted to be awake. Her eyes fell on the small, portable TV set that her friends had charmed for her. She pulled it out of the suitcase and slid her Happy Tree Friends DVD into the in-built DVD player.
Snape: I am not going to dignify any of this with a response.
Even though she had the volume on mute, she couldn’t stifle the giggles at the poor creatures’ misfortune.
Snape: Thirty points from Gryffindor for idiocy.
“What are you doing? It’s past midnight…” came an annoyed voice from the bed next to hers.
“Sorry… just come here, you’ve got to see this… it’s a really funny episode…” Baron giggled, and the girl sighed and slid out of her own bed and walked over to sit on Baron’s.
“What is this?” She said, and Baron looked at her incredulously. It was Hermione.
“Happy Tree Friends. Never heard of it?”
“No, it looks very juvenile. Something a three-year-old would –“ She started, then stopped as one of the animals was crushed by a vending machine.
Snape: Like this story should be.
Her mouth hung open and she let out a soft ‘oh!’ sort of noise. “That’s terrible!”
Snape: Like this story is.
She whispered, as the credits ran.
“Keep watching,” Baron smiled.
-----
A tired pair of girls walked down to breakfast the next morning reluctantly, wanting to spend the whole morning just lying in bed. They found Ron and Harry already down there and almost finished eating.
“You’re up late,” they chorused annoyingly.
Snape: As opposed to anything that hasn't been annoying?
“Watched Happy Tree Friends with Baron last night,” Hermione said, yawning.
“Ugh, Dudley likes that show,” Harry said, wrinkling his nose.
“Well that’s one thing Dudley got right. It’s so fu – fu – funny…” She said, attempting to stifle another yawn.
Snape: What an enlightening chapter ending. I am positively enthralled and absolutely must know what happens next. I am on proverbial pins and needles, I assure you. If I ever see another word of this drivel again, it will be too soon.
Music used in this chapter is Misery by Green Day, Deadbeat Holiday by Green Day, and Cryptorchid by Marilyn Manson. I own none of those songs. I don’t own Happy Tree Friends either. Wish I did, I’d be able to make truckloads from the HTF merch.
Snape: Ah, this disclaimer inspires such confidence. This story is set in Potter's sixth year, which would be 1996-1997. My typist notifies me that the album the first two songs originated from came out in late 2000, although the third actually was released in 1996, so that is, at least, impressive.
-----
Baron meandered up to the Gryffindor common room, after receiving a decent sized blast from her father.
Snape: It obviously did not do nearly enough damage.
He yelled for about a trillion hours about nothing. She thought angrily. It’s a good thing I had a decent CD in my Discman. He didn’t even notice when I put the headphones into my ears.
Snape: I am not that unobservant. I had been a teacher for over a decade.
That is the epitome of stupid…
Snape: writing.
As a going-away gift from her friends, all her electrical appliances such as hairdryer, CD players, iPod
Snape: Debuted in 2001.
and so on had been given an Invisible Bubble-Head Charm, which stopped her appliances
Snape: from working. As it is a charm. And not one designed for electronic devices.
from going haywire around Hogwarts
Snape: Idiot.
but didn’t give them a distorted appearance from the Bubble.
Snape: Still an idiot.
It so happened that that night, she was planning on going to Hogsmeade to get relatively inebriated,
Snape: Why does that not surprise me?
so she had put her old Green Day CD in.
Snape: Ah. That old one that wasn't to come out for four years?
The song was Deadbeat Holiday,
Snape: Yes.
so she had been stifling giggles at the lyrics while Snape raged at her for thinking that what he said was funny. When she was finally allowed to leave, the CD had reached the end of all the songs and had started again.
Snape: I wish I could reach the end of this story.
“There’s a vacant sign that’s hanging high but at least you’re not alone…” She sang along with the CD, looking around to make sure nobody was listening to her. To her relief, there was no one. She got to the common room and wondered at what staircase to go up to get to bed. Although Gryffindor Tower had been closed due to the Summer Holidays, this was the first night it was open and Baron knew that she wanted to stay up here instead of the cold, dark dungeons.
Snape: The cold dark dungeons didn't desire her presence anyway.
Her mental question about the staircases was answered when she saw a young boy walk down the stairs to the left. She nodded to herself and walked up the right staircase, Misery now playing on her Discman.
Snape: Perhaps her Discman is a Seer.
“She hitched a ride to misery…” She sang quietly, then told herself to shutup. It would suck if anyone heard you.
Snape: Yes. For them.
She thought to herself. She was quite a good singer, but hated the sound of her own voice.
Snape: Good judgement.
It sounded harsh and gravelly to her, but to others it came out low and slightly husky.
Snape: No. Harsh and gravelly is probably more apt.
“Kissed the bride eternally… And they’re gonna get high… when they’re low, low, low. The fire burns from better days. And she screamed why oh why, I said I don’t know…” She faltered, realizing she didn’t know any of the other words. Then she realized she was singing again and turned off her Discman quickly. Every time music started she felt the need to sing. It was an annoying and potentially embarrassing affliction,
Snape: Of the type that I am given to understand often plagues Mary Sues.
but it was hers and there were times when she was glad of it.
Snape: Oh, of course.
She switched the Discman off when she got up to her room, and looked at the other three occupants of the dormitory. One was Hermione, she knew, but the other two were unknown to her. She noticed large posters of witch pop singers and wizard boy bands above their beds and rolled her eyes. “Teeny-boppers,” she muttered with disgust.
Snape: There are no words.
She had barely any room in her bags for posters, but she had managed to squeeze in one of Cradle of Filth and that would satisfy her for the present time. Sticking it to the bare piece of wall above the head of her bed, she suddenly realized how drowsy she was. She looked at her watch – it said 10.30pm.
”But it’s so early…” She murmured to herself, subconsciously changing into a black and pink singlet top and matching minishorts to wear to bed.
Snape: Do we truly need a detailed description of every piece of clothing this lamentable girl is ever going to wear?
She lay her head on the soft, slightly fuzzy pillow,
Snape: Or her pillow?
expecting to fall asleep straight away. To her dull surprise, she lay there sleepily for about ten minutes, her mind showing no want for slumber. She rolled over onto her side. She flopped onto her back and opened her eyes. The dark wood stared back at her nonchalantly. Struck with a sudden idea, she grabbed her Discman and put in a Marilyn Manson CD.
Snape: That was actually released. Perhaps the prognostication is over.
Each time I look outside my mother dies, I feel my back is changing shape… Growled the music sullenly. She smiled. No matter how hard the drum beat was, or how excitable the guitarist was, quiet music always put her to sleep.
But not tonight. The CD ran through twice, and she still couldn’t get to sleep. Clicking it off before it started a third time, She flipped open the lid of her trunk and stared blankly into it for something to occupy her mind while it wanted to be awake. Her eyes fell on the small, portable TV set that her friends had charmed for her. She pulled it out of the suitcase and slid her Happy Tree Friends DVD into the in-built DVD player.
Snape: I am not going to dignify any of this with a response.
Even though she had the volume on mute, she couldn’t stifle the giggles at the poor creatures’ misfortune.
Snape: Thirty points from Gryffindor for idiocy.
“What are you doing? It’s past midnight…” came an annoyed voice from the bed next to hers.
“Sorry… just come here, you’ve got to see this… it’s a really funny episode…” Baron giggled, and the girl sighed and slid out of her own bed and walked over to sit on Baron’s.
“What is this?” She said, and Baron looked at her incredulously. It was Hermione.
“Happy Tree Friends. Never heard of it?”
“No, it looks very juvenile. Something a three-year-old would –“ She started, then stopped as one of the animals was crushed by a vending machine.
Snape: Like this story should be.
Her mouth hung open and she let out a soft ‘oh!’ sort of noise. “That’s terrible!”
Snape: Like this story is.
She whispered, as the credits ran.
“Keep watching,” Baron smiled.
-----
A tired pair of girls walked down to breakfast the next morning reluctantly, wanting to spend the whole morning just lying in bed. They found Ron and Harry already down there and almost finished eating.
“You’re up late,” they chorused annoyingly.
Snape: As opposed to anything that hasn't been annoying?
“Watched Happy Tree Friends with Baron last night,” Hermione said, yawning.
“Ugh, Dudley likes that show,” Harry said, wrinkling his nose.
“Well that’s one thing Dudley got right. It’s so fu – fu – funny…” She said, attempting to stifle another yawn.
Snape: What an enlightening chapter ending. I am positively enthralled and absolutely must know what happens next. I am on proverbial pins and needles, I assure you. If I ever see another word of this drivel again, it will be too soon.
no subject
One thing that keeps striking me is the girl's name. Wtf is up with "Baron"?