dizmo: (clay - easily amused)
Erin ([personal profile] dizmo) wrote2008-03-29 09:58 pm
Entry tags:

I'm just lemming-ing Dili.

So [livejournal.com profile] rhombal was playing around with the Drabble-Matic to make bandom drabbles. And they turned out funny. So I decided to do one. ... And will probably add more, because this is hysterical.

A Pete/Patrick....

The Squirrel Prince

Pete was walking through a sticky meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied an adorable little squirrel lying under a tree.

Pete skipped over to see the dear thing and was rough to find that he was hurt! A phone had pierced his pale little finger and he whimpered softly with the pain.

"My shiny little friend," Pete said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the phone, as stirringly as he could. The squirrel cried out and Pete's heart ached, like a really inexpensive but totally meaningful gift. "You'll be all right," Pete whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Patrick and you can live with me forever!"

Scooping Patrick up in his arms, Pete carried him home and made a bed for him beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Pete nursed Patrick, cleaning his finger and feeding him Shoe-brand squirrel chow.

On the eighth night, Patrick climbed into bed with Pete. He burrowed under the covers and worriedly licked Pete's elbow. It made Pete giggle and he cuddled close to Patrick, stroking his leg and singing sultrily to him.

They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Pete hurried home so he could curl up with Patrick. It gave him an intriguing feeling whenever Patrick licked his elbow.

Then one night, Patrick looked up at Pete and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a cuddly prince."

Pete screamed carefully, he was so surprised. How could a squirrel talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.

"You're not dreaming," Patrick said. "Kiss me."

"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Pete said and kissed Patrick on his leg. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a cuddly prince! With a crown and everything!

"I'm Prince Patrick," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."

"Is it really you?" Pete said.

"See?" Patrick said and showed Pete the scar from the phone on his finger. Then he kissed Pete and they tumbled over the moon and did a lot of very terrible things, some of them involving a wet hoodie.

"I love you," Patrick said when they were done. Pete clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Patrick had stashed away.

And if Patrick didn't know about Pete's visits to the squirrel sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him.

A Bold Day To Nudge

Frank stepped tenderly out into the succulent sunshine, and admired Gerard's ass. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a bulbous sight."

Gerard climbed off the cough drop and walked wildly across the grass to greet his lover. Frank patted Gerard on the neck and then tried to nudge him worriedly, but without success.

"That's all right," Gerard said. "We can try again later."

"I'm just not sparkly," Frank. "Not as sparkly as the time we nudged inside a bathtub."

Gerard nodded quietly. "We were erotic back in those days."

"Our ears were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Frank said. "Everything seems bedazzled and stretchy when you're young."

"Of course," Gerard said. "But now we're shadowed, we can still have fun. If we go about it roughly."

"Roughly?" Frank said . "But how?"

"With this," Gerard said and held out a tender robot. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to nudge."

Frank swallowed the robot at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to nudge roughly. They nudged like something that you barely see out of the corner of your eye but then you turn and it isn't there. Three times.

And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.


[identity profile] dixie-chicken.livejournal.com 2008-03-30 09:12 am (UTC)(link)
Lance and Joey were celebrating a crystalline Valentine's Day together. Lance had cooked an icy dinner and they ate under the stars by candlelight.

"My darling," Joey said, stroking Lance's ear, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Lance. "It is but a banana-scented token of my round love."

Lance opened the box. Inside was a peculiar t-shirt! He gazed at it deeply. Then he gazed at Joey deeply. "It's glittery," Lance said. "Come here and let me dive you."

Just then, a yellow crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like butterflies fluttering over a rushing waterfall. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a creamy voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Joey read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other coyly as the crone cackled some more. Lance's fingertip began to tremble. Then Joey shrugged, pulled out a bottle, and hit the crone on her neck. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Lance said and kissed Joey sweetly. "This is an upside-down Valentine's Day!"

They adorably burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they dove each other all night long.


[identity profile] dixie-chicken.livejournal.com 2008-03-30 09:14 am (UTC)(link)
Lance hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like butterflies fluttering over a rushing waterfall. He loathed it.

Every December, Lance would feel himself getting all creamy inside. He refused to put up a Christmas bottle, he snapped at anyone crystalline enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.

On December 13, Lance had to go to the mall to buy a peculiar t-shirt. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing coyly around and so much Christmas music blaring adorably, he thought his fingertip would explode.

Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a glittery man collecting for charity. Lance never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.

Suddenly, the glittery man dropped his bells and ran under the stars. There was an upside-down Australian shepherd right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the glittery man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!

Lance rushed out and deeply pushed them both out of the way. There was a round bang and then everything went dark.

When Lance woke up, he was in a yellow room. There was a Christmas bottle in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Lance's neck hurt. A lot.

The glittery man came into the room. "I'm so banana-scented!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Joey. You saved me from the truck. But your neck is broken."

Lance hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas bottle up and his neck was broken, he felt quite icy, especially when he looked at Joey.

"Your neck must hurt sweetly," Joey said. "I think this will help." And he dove Lance several times.

Now Lance felt very icy indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Joey. "I love you," he said, and kissed Joey carefully.

"I love you too," said Joey. Just then, the Australian shepherd ran into the room and nuzzled Lance's ear. "I brought him home with us," Joey said.

"We'll call him Miracle," Lance said. "Our Christmas Miracle."

It was the best Christmas ever.